I heard the ladder fall with a huge crash as my head seemed to bounce off the ground with a big thump. The smell of the grass and earth filled my sinuses as a deep pressure on one side of my head grew.
I had been raking leaves out of the gutter on the side of the house as filled seemed have stopped dropping her leaves.
Suddenly I was suspended above my body looking down at it helplessly. I realized I did not have control of my body and I was unclear how I was seeing my body with my eyes et al just below me – what was happening ???
I had visions of Clarence from It’s a Wonderful Life telling Gorge he has been given a great gift.. “A gift to see what the world would have been without him”.
I knew better than to feel that would be my mission here now. I know I chose to be here on this planet and that my main mission was to have as much fun with others and myself as I could have. Sharing this vibration helps others and it’s just plane fun and the best thing to always be leaning into. I had not remembered this for some time and then in my late 40’s I was introduced to Abraham Hicks and Dr Jim Cox and my dear friend Kim Boucher and my Angels and many others to wake up and remember that I chose to be here at this time. I will pass/croak again back to a place we call heaven that is beautiful. I am not afraid to leave here so why this fall ? Is this how I leave ? If so, where is my Mom, Grandmother plus the whole family tribe plus friends who have passed and why am I staring at my body ? I look peaceful – No one is home now so I will not be discovered for awhile. Suddenly with a big swoosh I am moving at what feels like mach speed, fragments of everything are zipping past me in a blur. I have, I have no idea where I am, who is with me ? It feels like someone but I am unclear of who it is. I suddenly hear, I am Thor, at first it sounds serious and then I hear my Mom telling one of her jokes,,, me too I am so thor/sore I can’t sit down and then I see her head being thrown back in laughter.
You see my Mom passed but I still hear her. She says she is around everyone especially her friends and family all at once because there is no time or space in heaven. She kept a form of her body and has come back to explore. Sometimes people can see her if they are vibrating at a certain frequency. My Mom is saying I am being given a mission.
Me: A mission. I think, What ? Wouldn’t it have been easier just to ask me ?
Mom: Well, she says they have been asking you to meditate every day and write and you say ok but don’t really do it.
Me: Do I have a choice ?
Mom: I don’t think you will not want to do this.
Me: Is it swimming with dolphins ? I would really like to do that. How about touring ancient sites in South Africa ? I would like to have that experience. Maybe to meet Isadora Duncan or Maya Angelou ?
Mom: Don’t get carried away. It is a much more serious assignment than those things combined.
Me: Really ? This had me intrigued. What could could be cooler or more fun and uplifting and deep.
You want me to what ??! Are you serious ? How can I do that ? ..
Spirit: You have watched many mediums, you have a fun loving connection with your Mom who passed. We can help you ?
Me: How ?
Spirit: We can give you the gift to see spirits/souls who have passed.
Me: Why would that be good ?
Spirit: You can ask questions, maybe meet one or two and write about their experiences.
Me: How does that help others ?
Spirit: The context gives someone insight into all that is possible and people realize they are immortal, that their life regardless of how they feel about it will go on. Their soul, every frequency will take a form of their device, their body and leave the connection here.
Me: I see, don’t you think most people who will pick up this story will already realize they go on, that life just changes forms and goes on ?
Spirit: No. Even your Mom when you came back from South Africa said, I can’t remember having the death experience so how do I know I come back and go on.
Me: Why is this my highest good ?
Spirit: because you asked for something similar and you always say you are here to help. You ask to be part of a team helping others so here we are here, we love you.
Me: what do I need to share first and why ?
Spirit: You chose to come here. The origins can be a little different for everyone but basically you met with your guardian angel and you picked a basic emotion to learn to process, your soul tribe members picked something similar. You picked your parents to support the experiences / feelings you wanted to have. Your strengths and weaknesses were determined, underlying missions were established and then you jumped. There is a mix of knowing certain parameters so your birth details astrologically line up to support the type of mission you chose.
Me: What? that seems confusing. And I Love You Too ,, you had me fall off a ladder for this to begin – Isn’t everything here my choice ?
Spirit: Yes but you asked for this.
Me: What do you mean ? I absolutely know I did not ask to fall off a ladder and leave my body.
Spirit: Not consciously and not with specifics but you came here with the intention to write and inspire as you once did. You ask when you quiet your mind in a grateful appreciative place that you are here to serve and you want to be guided to help others with a team. We are here to guide and support and be your team.
Me: Who are you ?
Spirit: We are collective energies of people who have had many forms on your planet and others. Think of us as a wise council who knows and sees all things. We see and know everyone’s thoughts, we embrace all with love and support seeing the highest good in everyone. You all have this piece in you that you move day to day with but you cannot feel or see them.
Me: How do I know they are there ? Do they look like me ?
Spirit: They mirror you but not in looks – in energy. Have you seen the pictures people can take now where you see energy fields around people’s bodies ?
Spirit: It is like that and they are a key part of that field that connects you to other fields.
Me: How do they help me ?
Spirit: When you do not feel well or feel discord you are not on the same wave/length as your inner guidance system
Me: So I can feel them.
Spirit: I guess in that way, Yes.
Me: When I feel good I am on their frequency ?
Me: Does that mean they like chocolate ?
Spirit: If you love it, they love it. But how you know you’re connecting with their support is that you will have things show up or happen out of the blue that support something you have desired.
Me: Like a new car or a trip ?
Spirit: Maybe but it could be as simple as you have thought I would love to have some Thai food and then you get a message from a friend to join you at a great Thai restaurant or you see an ad for a neat Thai restaurant.
Me: Oh, so synchronicities ?
Spirit: Yes, they came to help love you and guide you.
Me: Love me ? That is sweet.
Spirit: They focus on loving you every day.
Me: Why don’t more people know about this ?
Spirit: You do before you come into these bodies but then you forget
Me: Stinky, why ?
Spirit: It would overwhelm you to remember everything about where you came from. You are actually connected to all things and part of your mission or everyone’s mission is to remember the interconnectedness – you cannot do harm to anything without it affecting you in some way. When you show love or kindnesses that comes back to you.
Me: Wow, I believe that. Nothing good ever comes from the abuse of love.
Spirit: You learn to try and love from caregivers who do not know how to really love. You fulfill some need for most people. One of your goals is to get back to connecting with that inner source of love and guidance. When you can do this successfully you will find joy.
Me: I like that but learning to love yourself seems impossible.
Spirit: When do you feel the most love in your life ?
Me: When I was the focus of my ex-partners attention or my friends, when I was living in a community of people who shared their focus and attention on me. It was mutual with friends and my ex-partner.
Spirit: How did you feel when it was absent at any point in time ?
Me: It felt awful, as if I had a part of me cut off or pinched off.
Spirit: Right. How did it get better ?
Me: Well, at first I looked around for others to fill that up but that was hard. I decided to do some things that felt good to me. I listened to music that lifted me up, I drank more than I might normally. It was not easy. I thought I could get what I was missing from someone else but with the ex-partner I missed the nurturing and closeness. I did not have the energy to commit or open my heart to another. Establishing community connections takes time.
Spirit: Did your inner being help you ?
Me: Not that I know of. I struggled to feel love.
Spirit: Would you like to know a trick ?
Me: Yes! I don’t want to ever feel that way again.
Spirit: Well, you don’t have to but in some ways its good because when you experience the absence of something or the contrast it helps you learn and grow. The trick is in seeing the contrast or disconnect when it happens and then focusing on you and ways to make yourself feel better.
Me: You mean with drinking, or singing out loud or calming my mind in meditation or sitting on the beach or in the sun or in a meadow or by a stream or swimming in the sea ?
Spirit: These things slow down the momentum of things or energies that don’t feel good. Alcohol is tricky because there is so much negative and shameful energy around it by others. It can help you relax and be less focused on negative things. Your goal when you have a contrasting experience is to get back to center and into a better feeling energy state. In this state you are more in harmony with your inner being and you can feel that love for you. If you are in a negative thought spiral stopping it by giving attention to it does not help. What helps are doing those other things you enjoy.
You were given complete freedom when you came here so you can practice good feeling thoughts or negative thoughts.
Me: We bounced around some on topics. Why did I fall off the ladder again ??!
Spirit: So you could help others struggling with death.
Me: Am I dead ?
Spirit: technically but because it has not been long and because there are no rules you are going back into your body.
Me: Why did I just hear those cheers ?
Spirit: You have so much love and support here for you, can you feel it ?
Me: I feel very calm, at peace and I do feel like I can’t have a negative thought. When I was asking you about getting into better feeling states I struggled with what that felt like because I could only access pure positive energy. Is this what happens to us ?
Spirit: One of the things is that you are now merged with the inner source energy you brought with you into this physical plane called Earth.
Me: What do you call Earth ?
Me: What ?!
Spirit: Just Kidding :)!
We affectionally call it a school.
Me: really ?
Spirit: We call earth a plane of learning and remembering. You came here to experience Joy, Freedom and Growth. If you look at all of your experiences you will see these especially in the emotions you feel most strongly about. The feeling of Joy when you are on your path and synched with your inner being and feeling that love and support, the Freedom to choose the good feeling state or to choose the one that does not feel good – all your choices. Growth comes from experiencing the contrast.
Me: Wow. Yes, I see. Where am I ?
Spirit: You are perfect, just as all your fellow journeyers are. Experiencing all of these states is perfect. Regardless of how you are experiencing things from our perspective you can never get it wrong and it is always perfect.
Me: What about when terrible things happen to others ? Is that their growth ? I don’t like thinking that.
Spirit: You are all source energy and because of this every day you get up doing the best you can.
Me: What about a serial killer ?
Spirit: They have been conditioned to feel they are doing something right, they are helping something.
Me: did we decide to have these experiences good or bad ?
Spirit: Yes, in a way. You picked a lot of things to have in your life to allow you to experience Joy, Freedom and Growth
Me: I know I would normally be flooded with emotions on these subjects I just asked you about but I can’t feel anything except deep love for what I might have called perpetrator.
Would trying to see people, all people through the eyes of love that source has for us change their states of being ?
Spirit: Seeing all people through the eyes of love and compassion raises the collective energy, compassion and love of everyone because everything is connected. Just like it is better to think of how you want them to be and not to root against what you don’t want.
See and lean into the feeling of only having gorgeous organic whole foods.
See and lean into the feeling states of only having loving relationships, gorgeous streams, rivers and oceans.
Me: Sometimes I can do this easily and then sometimes not as much.
Spirit: The more it becomes your daily practice to drop into these good feeling states the easier they are to come and stay. But don’t forget, the contrast is a good thing because it always guides you to what you do want.
This is all way off and on topic. If it helps to have a better understanding of why you came here.
Me: Joy, Freedom, and Growth. It might be joyful for me to lie around on the beach, is that productive ?
Spirit: You came here to experience Joy, Freedom, and Growth as you created. You are creators.
Me: I see that. I love to create.
Spirit: You all do. It may be different for everyone but everyone loves to create.
Me: What do we do when we are not on earth ? Do we create ?
Spirit: You come back into the collective with some identity but it is back into a pure loving joy filled space that is interconnected to everything with joy. It’s all very high vibrating and loving. You keep a form of you that you might see or reference as energy. You can come back down here but time and space are different so you can be in multiple places and be able to connect with multiple people, animals, places – all at one time by directing or feeling where you want to be.
Me: Do I feel sad when I connect with loved ones who are sad ?
Spirit: No. You don’t have emotions like that anymore. You can wrap your energy around them and share your love.
Me: Can I talk to them ?
Spirit: Sort of. If they are in a high energy space and only seeing the joyful, loving much younger energized version of you. It is more of a dialogue where you are asking them questions. They can guide you and help with synchronicities like your inner being. They can come to you through animals that have no resistance.
Me: What about grief and what I like to call grief work ? I have helped myself heal things by crying and releasing pain I have felt in my body when family, friends or pets have passed.
Spirit: We like to say transition because they are just moving into a different state of being, the feeling you are having now, it is true bliss, beyond words.
You are all so different and the beliefs that sit strongest with you are the ones you should embrace. If crying moves energy that is keeping you from having good memories that feel joyful then cry. It is especially helpful if you hold the thought that crying is getting you to a healing place.
Some people do not have to do this. The test is when you can have wonderful memories that you experience as joyful with no pain.
Me: I listened to a grief symposium and the speaker said that much of the world self medicates to avoid painful transitions of loved ones or a loss of childhood. He said people over drink, exercise, over work to avoid moving the painful energy.
Spirit: What a lot of people do is use these things to get out of pain into a better feeling state. There is nothing wrong with this if it helps people get to a better vibration where they can connect with their inner being and get back to joy filled states.
You must be careful to not judge one another. Judging takes you out of your higher vibrating state to a place that does not feel good and one where you are not connected to your inner source.
It is like you drop into or manifest a connection with a lower feeling state.
Me: Ok, I can do that easily because I am always trying to help others. I need to be present with this.
Spirit: Yes, you have done this with parters and sometimes friends. Try and be present with your state of being when you meet someone because you typically meet each other from the same energy state.
Me: What should we do when someone dies ?
Spirit: See them as being in a more magical place than you can imagine. Breathe in the knowing the way they left was how they chose to leave. Know they are still incredibly connected to you. Focus on your feeling better and connecting to your inner guidance who loves and supports you beyond measure. Don’t be hard on yourself for how your grief unfolds. If it feels better to pinch yourself off for awhile it’s ok. You are never judged by us. We only see you for what you are, perfect and loving. Remember you came here as creators to experience Joy, Freedom, and Growth. The grief process can be a growth opportunity to experience more freedom in your choices and to lean into the pure joy and positive energy you are, as you experience and know that you have not been left. They can only love you and support you as they now only see you as loving and perfect.
It’s how you feel right now, right ? Can you think of anyone that gave you angst before .. how do you feel about them ?
Me: I have nothing but pure love for them.
Spirit: So relax in the knowing when someone dies you now have their wholehearted pure love and attention beaming on you.
Me: Wow, that feels amazing. I am thinking about the people I have loved here who have transitioned. I am sitting with this feeling of having them shining this amazing approving, supportive pure love on me. My whole body is tingling with love and joy. I have the biggest smile breathing in this feeling.
Thank you for this knowing.
Spirit: You are so welcome. We love you so much.
Me: Now what ?
Spirit: Share what you have learned or let’s play out your death scenario to see what happens.
Yes, let’s see what happens.
Wow, you were there a longtime before you were found.
Me: Where am I now ?
Spirit: Your body is in the funeral place.
Me: This is like It’s a Wonderful Life that feels like it went too far !
Everyone looks so sad but I have no feelings other than joy. I can’t get to the place they are, they are laughing or some folks are. Ahhh they are remembering a fun memory. They are talking about my laugh, that is so sweet.
Gosh, they are all glowing so beautifully.
Why can’t we see the exquisite colors around each of us ?
Spirit: Well, it’s because you can get that trained out of you. Babies can see it until they become self-conscious based on how they were treated.
What do you notice ?
Me: People seem distracted in their own thoughts.
Spirit: They are remembering past funerals or people who have passed.
Me: I feel amazing. I have not been this present and felt this loved EVER. I would want them to remember this feeling state that they came from and not feel sad for me.
Spirit: Walk among them, you can.
Me: For the most part their energy is turned in a way where they cannot perceive me. What do you think they really want ? They seem lost in their thoughts.
Spirit: They are remembering painful moments and sitting with the fact they won’t see you or hear that laugh of yours.
Me: Wow, I can’t feel anymore amazing. I have No Fear, No Doubt, No Anxiety, No Pain, No Jealous Feelings or any Uncomfortable Feelings, No Judgement. I FEEL MAGICAL AND I AM PERCEIVING A GARDEN PARADISE SENSE AROUND ME.
Spirit: It is not quite like that but Yes all the things would feel like immense pleasure, you can feel them.
Me: People have come back from a near death experience and have shared this. How will what I share be different ?
Spirit: You have been given a special gift, you have the ability to write from a place of knowing and combine it with tools to help others make a shift with their field. One of the things often lacking is the personal experience share which us very unique and universal but very personalized.
What can you share that you have not heard shared ?
Me: Having a love connection with your inner being will allow yourself the ability to know when you are out of alignment. If you feel sad or angry or frustrated you will have the ability to recognize that it is contrast from your natural state of being. Contrast needs to be leaned into with things that feel joyful. You can give yourself permission to grieve but in the long run if these feelings become old or while grieving they do not feel great, give yourself permission to have a good time; sing out loud, watch something funny, enjoy something relaxing and filled with good music, do things for others, connect in nature. Take time to listen to you and your inner being. It is fun to connect with your inner being. The best way to allow an unlimited connection throughout your day is to sit or lie still as soon as or almost as soon as you wake up. Picture a beautiful light in your heart and light around you as you distract your thoughts by listening to a fan or the hum of the refrigerator or a clock ticking, any little consistent sound – 3, 5, 10, 15, 20 minutes is all. It allows the gorgeous inner being to connect with you. You can ask your angels and source to be with you and guide your day. The full appreciation and love for things you enjoy connects you beautifully in this space and creates energy around you for similar people and experiences to just show up.
Spirit: Let’s spend time with the people who came to say goodbye to you.
See the baby ?
Me: Yes, I don’t know that baby. It’s so cute. Oh My, she can see me or it feels like it.
Spirit: Of course she can. She does not know she is not supposed to see you and she is still present with the vibration of where she came from, Pure Expectations of Love and High Vibrating Energy.
Me: She is so beautiful and adorable
What else am I supposed to notice ?
Spirit: Look at the people who seem sad, what else do you notice ?
Me: They seem to be holding themselves back from expressing, as if they feel responsible to feel a certain way. It’s like they have to feel sad to be part of this gathering, as if to feel good might be disrespectful. Ahhhh my family does not want to be around the sad people. I don’t believe it is by intention. They sort of have bubbles around them and the people embracing a really sad place can’t be around them for very long. What is that ?
Spirit: Your Mom and Grandmother and other loved ones who have passed are protecting them at this time by filling the spaces around them with love.
Do you remember what you did to help with this at your Mom’s viewing services and Life Celebration ?
Me: Yes, I bought little pieces of rose quartz for people to take and hold as a remembrance . Rose Quartz carries a Love and Healing Vibration.
Spirit: Do you know what happened ?
Spirit: It connected the energy of everyone who took one of those stones. It connected them in love for your Mom, your family and each other. Not only for healing with love but to raise the vibration of love.
Me: Awwww It’s a special stone
Spirit: It helped their hearts heal from the physical absence of your Mom because they had a tangible piece of the love vibration connected to her.
Me: Rose Quartz, I Love It
Do I really have to leave the earth plane school ?
Can this be like the ghost visit of the future ? I love being here at this time. I am so conscious that I can’t experience things the same way.
Spirit: You are right, you cannot because where you came from and where you go back to as you are feeling now is all about unconditional love and experiencing the interconnectedness of all things beautiful and high vibrating.
Most people don’t want to return to the contrast of experiencing Fear and Anxiety. Why do you like it ?
Me: I like the contrast and the growth.
Spirit: What does that mean ?
Me: It is like being able to taste something bitter or sour and then something quenching and sweet, that variety appeals to me. It is something I can experience with the diversity here. I have learned to recognize judgments when I have them and for the most part release them which feels loving to me. I like that feeling of being able to experience those nuances.
Spirit: Everything exists at the same time so if you want to go back with these memories we can make that happen. What would you like to do ?
Me: I thought we chose our time of death ?
Spirit: You ask for something and we say it can be done and then you ask a question .. ?
Me: Sorry, it just dawned on me when you gave me a choice.
Spirit: You always have a choice, you came here with an idea of knowing you had wanted to accomplish things. Ideas of felling states from previous lifetimes and you always have a choice of getting into a good feeling state to experience the feelings you asked for. Not to get off topic, you have options on when to leave here but you did set up a scenario for your departure that can happen in different ways.
Me: This happens subconsciously ?
Spirit: Yes, like your Mom going into the hospital and every time it looked like she would get better and leave the hospital something happened to set her back until she had no choice.
Me: Right! and I was so mad at the hospital staff in my numbness but she came to tell me through her friend and said that she was tired and wanted to leave. She also told me things only I would know through him to let me know it was really her.
Spirit: What else did she say that felt good ?
Me: Well, I was with her when she passed and as she took her last breath a small tear came out of each eye. I had wondered if that was painful and she said those were tears of joy as she saw her brother in that instance and felt so joyful.
This brings up another point. When I connect with my Mom now I can hear her in my head and I can sometimes feel her as my outer skin layer tingles all the way around. She is always positive, loving and supportive about everything; friends, family, life.
If I ever experience difficulty connecting what is that ?
Spirit: It would be a projection in you of something that does not feel good in you.
Does this make sense ? It would mean you’re not fully connecting with them. They can only express love and see love – you feel it now – you cannot connect with anyone in this room unless their heart is clear and full of love.
Me: Does that mean that people who cannot connect with those who have passed/croaked are in a bad place or not full of love ?
Spirit: No. Sometimes they cannot connect with the current energy their loved one is in because to see or feel the energy of someone who has passed would require they see them as happy, healthy.. A sort of strong version of who they were. If they meditate thinking of the person this way it will be easier for them to connect.
Me: Do souls who passed get too busy to connect or what happens when they come back ? Does this limit them.
Spirit: It can but their energy is still connected to you and if your heart is in the right place and happy and seeing that their happy it is so much easier for them to shower you with love and good memories of times you shared.
Me: In the past for me grieving intentionally helped me heal. How do you feel about this ?
Spirit: You had an intention it would help and it did. How long did it take to grieve your grandmothers passing ?
Me: Well, I was sad for 4-5 years without being able to have loving fun memories without being sad. I cried a lot and the holidays were hard because she was such a strong presence in my life.
Spirit: What happened ?
Me: You know what happened. I was guided to a symposium on grief and he recommended crying every day. Intentionally bringing up memories and feeling the pain of the person’s absence. It took about a week of doing that every day throughout the day when I had breaks in sales appointments. It did not seem to take long to be in a space to experience fun memories without the absent sad feeling. Is this normal ? How do we all become happier ?
Spirit: People have to decide if they want a different experience then to focus on the absence of someone’s presence. We can tell you that if you continued to focus on the absence you would still be feeling sad. You reached for better thoughts or better feeling thoughts about your grandmother and you felt better. The crying helped you and eventually you were led to something that gave you permission to release in way you could move that energy, knowing you would get to a better feeling place.
Recognizing the absence when someone departs is visceral and you have been conditioned to not want to feel bad so there is a lot of balancing that has to happen.
The first big step is knowing and we mean truly knowing and believing that you leave here with a form of your body and you go to a place more beautiful than you can ever be described in a way where you can feel it or know it in this plane on earth at this time.
The second is getting yourself filled up on unconditional love by spending time with people who can love you as you are without judgement. These might not be old friends who will tell you what you want to hear. These are friends who will ask you what is your part in what happened, what did you do and what are you doing now ? They will truly just love you in your weaknesses and anger and fear.
The third is embracing and knowing you came here to have FUN so moping around and pining over the absence of a souls presence is not fun. You have to give yourself permission to enjoy your life and to do things that please you.
See anyone who has passed in that amazing space; loving without judgement, in a strong body form of how you knew them; Happy and Gleeful beyond anything you can imagine.
Know you are still connected to them but their form to be with you is different. For people who can see energy they will often see the energy of someone who has passed hanging around someone they love.
Look for ways to feel great about the time you experienced their body here and look for ways to appreciate and love that you had this connection in this lifetime. Create space and time to picture and feel having fun with them again.
You came here to have Fun and to experience the trifecta of Joy/Love, Freedom and Growth. Know it is ok to do this and to celebrate the lives of others you had the privilege of sharing with in physical form. Know they are still with you in another physical form and that they are more happy than you can experience here. You are going to be that happy ! But not Today !
Suddenly I could feel the sun beating down on my face and the intensity of the grass smell. I was still in a dream or was I ?? I could taste the blood on my lip just like the movie and my body felt so still. I was afraid to move and little by little I began to reach for sensations to see if I was ok. I slowly sat up and saw the ladder by my side. I rubbed my face and moved my fingers as I stretched my ankles. I was Ok, I looked at my watch and it did not seem like time had passed.
I sat there remembering the dialogue I had about my death and death and feelings and feeling good states. I wondered if it was a dream and as I became more fully present I saw these sparkles around me. I wondered if based on the dream if these were the energies of loved ones who had passed or transitioned from here to heaven or nirvana. My eyes focused in more and I could see they were crystals all around me. I smiled deeply with the loving glorious knowing and remembering that these were unconditional loving rose quartz crystals gleaming. I smiled with the sharing and knowing that Source wants us to see everyone as loving and kind. We are being asked to practice being more loving and kind with ourselves and others as we lean into joy and share that rose quartz energy with everyone around us.